It's on like Donkey Kong

And so the great beerthletes embark today on their quest for greatness. The first Great Outdoor Beerlympics begins this evening with the opening ceremony and the lighting of the shot glasses. Tomorrow will pit them in an epic battle of knowledge, strategy, pseudo-athleticism, and Hepatic fortitude. Stop by next week for the results and post event interviews.

Weather Report

Could the weather be a factor in the games? The outlook in the mountains for the event is calling for a chance of thunderstorms in the late afternoon into the night. Roughly halfway though the beerlympics. Will the ran affect the play? Most likely not. The competitor are highly trained beerthletes who, unlike baseball players, will play in the rain.

Friday H-83 L-67
Saturday H-85 L-68 Partly Cloudy 30% chance of Pm storms
Sunday H-83 L-63 40% Chance of scattered storms

Player Analysis - Working Jablonski

Team: Black
Strength: Beer Pong and Ladder Golf
Weakness: Working Jablonski has no weakness!
Motto: “I just tipped my waitress more than you’ll make in a week!”
Theme Song: Jailhouse Rock- Elvis Presley

Sticking with NBA analogies, Working Jablonski is Ron Artest and the Black team is the Lakers. Like Kobe and company, the Black Team was already a powerhouse collection of superb (drinking) athletes but rather than leaving a championship to chance, they both picked-up an insurance policy in a proven superstar veteran. While the “un-retirement” from drinking has been well discussed with almost every other competitor at this event, Working Jablonski may be the lone remaining “active” drinker in the Beerlympics. Also similar to Artest, Working Jablonski is famous for a “me-first” attitude, a sketchy past, and run-ins with coaches/teammates. He also recently spent a night in the Blacksburg Drunk-Tank on a visit back to school. Still there is no denying that he is a drinking prodigy who truthfully has no weakness in any of these events. He is also a former beer pong teammate of fellow black team member, Wyble. With this new venue, Team Polmany will dust off their old beer pong jerseys and step back to a time circa 2005. If the Black Team were favorites before Working Jablonski joined their squad, they are now the surest bet in Vegas.

Red Team Makes a Trade

Swandive has been called to duty. So the Red team has found a worth while replacement and No it's not Keanu: Here's the scouting report.

Chino

Team: Red

Strength: Dodgeball

Weakness: Ladder Golf

Motto: Built Marc Gallant Tough

Theme Song: "Jump Around" House of Pain

Marc "Nationals Finest" Gallant will be making a guest appearance as the Red Team had to deal with a recent departure. Hailing from Northern Virginia, Marc underwent extensive training as a beer-thalete during his time at James Madison University. Marc is a regional celebrity of sorts, spending two years behind the mask as a President for the Washington Nationals. He has recently been promoted to run with the Nat Pack, so look for him to excel in events requiring throwing strength as he has been known to toss a t-shirt into the upper bowl (with the aid of a gun of course, he's no Brett Favre). In tip-top shape from cross training with AOL's "a beer an inning" kickball team, the Dubble Kicks, Marc also has hopes of taking the dodgeball event for his team.

Intersqaud Scrimmages and Rules

The International GOB Commission has stated that Friday will be the official team practice day for all events that will take place during the GOB on the following day. Teams will be allowed to hold intersqaud matches to get their bearings for particular events.



Also discussed at the meeting was the "puke n rally". The Commission has decide that the expelling of substances will be aloud so long as the competitor is still capable of participating. In the event that a player has to forcibly expel due to "over filling" and is in a coherent state he or she will be allowed to continue on. Players who pull their own trigger will be disqualified. If the competitor has to expel due to intoxication that player will be removed, given pedialite and a nap, and the team will have to play short for the remainder of the games. The Commission is looking out for the safety of the teams. While alcohol consumption is allowed and in some events required, they are looking out for the safety of competitors and spectators.

Getting strong now.....

So how have the some of the team members been preparing for the 2009 GOB? We have an inside report from them.

Krafty, has taken team strategy in a straight forward approach. Operation "Don't Suck" will be the game plan for the Red team. He has been undergoing a grueling training regime including - 12 oz curls, suicide shots, reading up on engineering via erector sets.

Wyble of and Frenchy, while on opposing teams have been doing some inter-team training at the AT&T National. Relaxing and drinking has been their game plan. Extreme hours of standing and drinking watching the grass grow will help them accommodate the sweltering heat of a Mid July Maryland Summer. Although one might wonder if these "war games" have ulterior motive for one or the other. Sabotage, espionage, man-Sasquatch love, its all possible.

A-dub used a similar approach. over the holiday weekend he was in Philly (never told me, jerk) draining subs and sitting on his fat ass watching the Phightin Phils demolish the Mets. Nothing like inactivity in the sun, eating cheese steaks and drinking at the ball park to get one ready for the GOB.

After a shift of chasing criminals in the slums of Annapolis (yes their are slums in the great city). Moondawg trains in the parking lots of the Marine Corps Stadium with fellow boys in blue. These "Stadium parties", are great conditioning after the exhaustion of donut eating and sitting in an air conditioned squad car for 9 hours.

GOB Trophy Unvailed

With under a week to go until the games the International Great Outdoor Beerlympic Commission has unveiled the top prize for the games. The Billy Mays Memorial Trophy is the end all be all of the games. It has been named in honor of the late Billy Mays, our beloved infomercial star.

Player Analysis

Name: Moondawg
Team: Black
Strength: Loose Case Race
Weakness: Beer Can Pyramid Challenge, Beer Pong
Motto: “I’m not at think as you drunk I am”
Theme Song: “Glory Days” by Bruce Springsteen

Moondawg, Best Man, was the first round Draft Pick to be alongside Whitey on the Black Team. Whitey and Moondawg have many a drinking story to tell and the Beerlympics will be another great chapter to add to their history.
However, with this distinction of #1 Pick comes a lot of pressure and it will be interesting to see if this former drinking champion will be up to form. Now a married man, dad, and an enforcer of law, Moondawg now spends more time locking up drunks than being one himself.
This author has a sneaking suspicion though that Moondawg will be more like Lebron James and less like Kwame Brown when it comes to former first overall draft picks. Watch out for his pure size and determination to be on full display in the loose case race and waitress relay. It will also be interesting to see if Moondawg can erase the shame of his last Beer Pong performance when he and fellow Beerlympian Swandive were bounced by two Freshmen Girls in the first round of the LEW Beer Pong Invitational.

Player Analysis - Frenchy

Name: Frenchy F. Poonasty
Team: Red
Strength: Beer Pong and Ladder Golf
Weakness: Waitress Relay
Motto: ”Tonto, Jump on it!”
Theme Song: Hakuna Matata (from The Lion King)

If you could compare Beerlympic participants to real athletes, Frenchy F. Poonasty would be like Michael Jordan when he played for the Washington Wizards. Like ‘Wizards’ Michael, FFP has hands-down the most prestigious history of any participant in this event and he still shows flashes of his former brilliance but there are audible whispers that he is past his prime.
Also like “Zards” Michael, FFP (a.k.a. Sasquatch) is one foot-in and one-foot out of retirement by his practicing of the “no drinking Mon.-Wed. strategy”. This is a far cry from the days when he used to shotgun a beer before a Finance Exam at VT or MJ nailing jumpers at the buzzer with the Bulls.
The Beerlympics, luckily falling on a weekend, will serve as a similar un-retirement tool in the sense that FFP can suit up and show his skills in a professional venue! Still a living legend, watch-out for Frenchy’s skills to shine in Beer Pong and Ladder Golf; two events that are like riding a bicycle to him. Hopefully all those in attendance get to witness a special Blast-from-the-Past treat of “The Runner”. However, as the day wears on, look for Frenchy’s lack of endurance to catch-up to him as he feels his age and shows that he is not the proud Drunk that he used to be

The Search For Player X

The Black team is currently down a man and with 9 days until the games, an air of anxiety looms over them. Mr. Clean had to be place on the DL due to a severe hamstring injury. The black team is frantically on the hunt for a 4th team member. The sought Higgins, but the event conflicts with his crime fighting duties. Vinny The Mobster was also solicited for the open spot. But he had double shoulder surgery. Sounds like Richards of the Flyers. So who will it be.

There is currently a lead coming from the Red team. But should the Black team accepted their help as good sportsmanship or a ploy to rig the GOB?

Sources say Mouthy Routhy could be available. A stand up guy notorious for his abilities to throw down the suds. Pending permission from his warder, I mean his lovely wife.

We Shall See...In the meantime the search for Player X goes on....